SS 179 – Grant Opens Up About Therapy

SS 179 – Grant Opens Up About Therapy

 

Episode 179 Show Notes

There’s usually a negative stigma about seeing a therapist. Today, Grant seeks to break that stigma as he shares his experience with therapy. Last week, we got insights from a therapist, today let’s listen from the perspective of the one seeking therapy himself. Grant opens up about events that led to him to see a therapist, particularly stressing the strength involved in acknowledging that you need help and finally asking for it.

 

[01:05] Are You a Night Owl?

 

Grant talks about an article he found about a study, Chronobiology International, where they tracked over half a million adults over a period of six and a half years. They found that people defined as definite evening types as opposed to definite morning types shows 10% increased risk of all cause mortality.

 

Grant says the biggest takeaway here is if you’re a night owl, not because of your job, but simply because you prefer to stay up late, it might be better for your health to go to bed earlier. Instead, wake up early, and do those fun things in the daytime.

 

[07:25] Growing Up with a Therapist Mother: The Pros and Cons

 

Grant is happy to share his experience in regards to therapy. People often have negative connotations with therapy that it could be emasculating to see a therapist.

 

Being raised by a mother who is a therapist, Grant didn’t see therapy as how many others view it, as something odd or even as a weakness. Growing up, his mom would ask him so many questions like a therapist would that he naturally learned to keep things internalized. He learned really quickly that anything he said could later be used against him or lead to more questions. It’s totally normal at that age to not want to share everything to your parents. So, Grant stopped sharing.

 

He doesn’t think that he thought negatively about therapy, but without even consciously doing it, he made himself someone who needed it. He kept a lot of things inside and stopped feeling like he’d share things, even with his girlfriends.

 

This continued for a long time until he got older that got to a point of not really knowing how to cope with things. This is why he ended up seeing a therapist for the first time.

 

[12:40] Going Through a Heartbreak

 

Grant carries quite an impressive list of credentials having graduated from a good school with multiple degrees and several accolades. He was very proud of those things, but out of nowhere, he would feel sad.

 

Grant was dating a girl who was a lot younger than him. When he first met her, he thought it wasn’t going to work. Over a couple of years, she talked him into entering a relationship. Eventually, he was all-in considering he was at that point of his life when he wanted to settle down. As a result, he put everything into the relationship. Next thing you know, she broke up with him. This shook him to the core. Grant thinks it would be a similar feeling when you lose a loved one unexpectedly.

 

One Christmas morning, out of the blue, she decided she wanted to focus on her relationship with Jesus. He started drinking to deal with it. He wasn’t able to function well at work. Friends are good to talk to but you don’t really figure out or get deeper into whatever is really driving these emotions.

 

[15:55] Seeing a Therapist: Grant’s Personal Experience

 

At the end of the day, Grant realized it wasn’t the breakup that actually made him sad, but the plans he made for the future that no longer applied. It was more of a loss, not of her, but what he thought his dream was.

 

Grant thinks a lot of the stuff he had already known inherently. Hypnotists let you deal with the stuff that you already know inside that you don’t want to deal with.

 

Grant describes the first few sessions as pretty basic. They help you work through it yourself. You talk about it and whine, and then eventually you get sick of talking about it. You begin to say you don’t want to feel this way anymore. Then, suddenly you just realize that you worked through it. It’s like a slow realization that it doesn’t affect you the way you thought it did anymore.

 

[18:50] Why See a Therapist, Instead of Talking with a Friend

 

Grant explains that with a therapist, you’re limited to an hour. You whine and complain for an hour and then leave and do it again a week from now. But if you’re with a friend and hanging out, you’re probably going to hangout more than an hour, or a night or couple days. Eventually, your friend is not going to want to hear it anymore.

 

With a therapist, you get left with a little bit of time to let it work through before you purge a bit more. Instead of constantly holding onto it like you would with a friend.

 

Also, with friends, you might call each other out but that might make them more defensive or might not want to share anymore. Therapists don’t challenge you in that way. They don’t challenge you to question the validity of what you’re feeling.

 

[21:55] Dealing with Anxiety

 

You might think that because Grant has done it a few times before, he was already a strong advocate of therapy. But in reality, the second time he got into therapy was when he was going through divorce. During this interval, he waited a long time before going to a therapist because he didn’t know if the first time actually helped or not.

 

He ended up going again because of the anxiety he was having. He was promoted to president of his company. His grandma passed away. All this happened within a couple of months, and the stress just got to him. He got to a point where he needed to see a therapist and so he did. He started to feel better, but didn’t know how it worked but it did anyway. He found that a lot of that anxiety stemmed from the fact that he couldn’t communicate it with his partner at that time. They ended up getting a divorce. Not too long, he stopped going to a therapist since he has gotten better and he now finds himself now in a much more healthy, loving, and supportive relationship.

 

[27:25] Preparing for the Bad Stuff

 

Grant wanted to be ready for any problems that would come up. He wanted to address them before they became real problems. He likens it as training for a marathon. You’ve got to train and build up for it. You have to experience the difficulties. Your legs are going to be sore.

 

Now, Grant knows that bad stuff is going to happen. He thinks of what he can do now when things aren’t bad to make sure that when it does happen, he’s able to minimize the damage.

 

The therapist would facilitate some games or weekly structure to make sure people understand the typical issues married people have. You get to have conversations about expectations, kids, conflict, sexual expectations, little things that bug you, and asking the questions you don’t normally ask.

 

Sometimes, you don’t have the answers. It’s not about planning every bit of your life but what it’s about is learning how to navigate those unknowns, and getting some of the tools you need so they don’t become fights. It allows you to avoid arguments or put off an argument until you’re in a better place to work through it without negative emotions.

 

[31:50] Are You a Good Candidate for Seeking Out Therapy?

 

Based on experience, Grant started to see applications of where therapy could be beneficial. He’s even looking at bringing a therapist at work who can help negotiate some interpersonal conflicts at work.

 

Grant personally thinks that therapy is not just for people with depression or for couples. It could also help mediate things that are emotionally challenging or charged. They can help you if you’re sick but even if you’re not sick, they can help make things easier.

 

All that being said, Grant thinks that anyone who struggles with suicidal thoughts should see a therapist. It’s something avoidable if you get help. It’s not a weakness to seek help. There’s a strength involved for you to look in the mirror and say you’ve got to talk to somebody.

 

[34:15] Where to Find Therapy

 

There are ways to find a therapist. There’s the suicide hotline or talk to your regular doctor as they’re going to have recommendations.

 

Another person Grant thinks should see a therapist is one who thinks they never need therapy. If you’re even wondering whether you should see a therapist, then go see a therapist.

 

Moreover, a lot of insurance companies cover it 100% throughout patient therapy, if it’s in network. If it’s out of network, it’s often 50%. Check your benefits if money is a big issue since therapy can get expensive. Call your insurance company and they will help you find one that’s in your network in your area. This way you can save money.

 

A lot of times, you don’t necessarily need the best therapist. This isn’t brain surgery. You just need somebody. And if you need to talk to somebody, reach out to Grant and he’d be happy to help you find a therapist in your area.

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Night owls have higher risk of dying sooner